I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
