he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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