I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Naked Twister starts at high noon
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize