I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
