mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
