of course. lets lasso hookers.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize