you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
