i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
