Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
