On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
