Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
