I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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