So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
