You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
