I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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