matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
