youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
