you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
