I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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