So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
