I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
