He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
