you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
