Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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