how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Randomize
