His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize