dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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