I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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