I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
