so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
