so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
