I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
