Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Randomize
