Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize