I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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