You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
