it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
