i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
