Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize