ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
