Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
