She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize