is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Two words: blizzard sex
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
