Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
