That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
