38 yer olds are good kisserssss
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
