You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize