He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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