I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
