shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
