Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
