He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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