I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I FOUND THE LEGS
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
