Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
