Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
