I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Just invented taco cereal.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
