Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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