I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
