I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
