is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Couch. On fire.
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