I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
