i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
