six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
