I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
