i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
