I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
