tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I just want to make out with him forever
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
