Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
