Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
