dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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