Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
