Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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