I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
