we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
