addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Randomize
