Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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