have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
