This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
