I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
