That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Randomize
