I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
