just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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