I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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