I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize