Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
