it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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