Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
