Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
