How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
