I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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