His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
