idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
