I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
