I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
he was CRYING into my vagina
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
