im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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