I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize