I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
