she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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